I have been captivated by a book I found at the library a few weeks ago, Defiant Gardens: Making Gardens in Wartime by Kenneth Helphand, a professor of Landscape Architecture at the University of Oregon. Rarely does a book that reads like a textbook make me want to cry, but this one managed to do just that.

Sometimes the news from around the world is so overwhelming and the yelling and harshness in my neighborhood is so frightening that it makes me wonder how long it will be before I live in the middle of a war zone. I love the idea of a garden as defiance against those things that would seek to rob us of our tenderness and humanity.

Here are some of the latest pictures from my own, little defiant garden.

Click here to see the rest of our anniversary pictures.

One of my favorite songs is the aptly titled, Anniversary Song by Cowboy Junkies. The lyrics speak of the desire to share all the things of your life with another, of comfort and ease coming in to a relationship over time, about knowing someone well enough to develop rituals and routines that make ordinary moments sacred.

On this, our sixth anniversary, I know that, while our relationship is not perfect, there is something more to it than I ever imagined, something real and sacred that no one could describe. I am not sure what I thought marriage would be. Actually, I did not think this far ahead. Whether that was from optimism or ignorance, I don’t know. It seemed, at the whirlwind beginning of our relationship, that we were caught up in something over which we had little control. I guess that is how everyone in love feels. Getting married seemed like the only possible next step.

In our second year of marriage, when The Crazy surfaced in me, we were faced with a decision - get to know each other all over again, put a smiley face on things, live our isolated lives and pretend that nothing was wrong, or quit. I wanted to quit. I wanted to leave and start my life over again, severing all ties with home and with my old self. One night, sitting in our green chair, I told Justin my decision. He put his arms around me and held me while I cried and he said, “No. You are not going to leave. I will not let you. You belong with me. We will make this work.” His simple, quiet words were the truth, spoken from his heart in to my life. He was 22 years old, that night that he became a man.

Since that time we have spent many hours dealing with The Crazy, figuring out how we could continue our lives together and keep it at bay. He is my first line of defense against those things that make me crazy. He is my best friend.

So, Justin-boy, Happy Anniversary. I know we don’t have a song (we have a soundtrack) but here are two songs that make me think of you every time I hear them. I love you. I am glad I stayed.

Anniversary Song (Cowboy Junkies)

Have you ever seen a sight as beautiful
as that of the rain-soaked purple
of the white birch in spring?

Have you ever felt more fresh or wonderful
than on a warm fall night
under a Mackerel sky,
the smell of grapes on the wind?

Well I have known all these things
and the joys that they can bring
And I’ll share them all for a cup of coffee
and to wear your ring

Have you ever had the pleasure of watching
a quiet winter’s snow slowly gathering
like simple moments adding up?

Have you ever satisfied a gut feeling
to follow a dry dirt road that’s beckoning you
to the heart of a shimmering summer’s day?

Well I have known all these things
and the joys that they can bring
And I’ll share them all for a cup of coffee
and to wear your ring

And I don’t know how I survived those days
before I held your hand
Well I never thought that I would be the one
to admit that the moon and the sun
shine so much more brighter when
seen through two pairs of eyes than
when seen through just one

Have you ever seen a sight as beautiful
as a face in a crowd of people
that lights up just for you?

Have you ever felt more fresh or wonderful
as when you wake
by the side of that boy or girl
who has pledged their love to you?

Well I have known all these things
and the joys that they can bring
And now every morning there’s a cup of coffee
and I wear your ring.

Easy Silence (Dixie Chicks)

When the calls and conversations
Accidents and accusations
Messages and misperceptions
Paralyze my mind

Busses, cars, and airplanes leaving
Burning fumes of gasoline
And everyone is running
And I come to find a refuge in the

Easy silence that you make for me
It’s okay when there’s nothing more to say to me
And the peaceful quiet you create for me
And the way you keep the world at bay for me
The way you keep the world at bay

Monkeys on the barricades
Are warning us to back away
They form commissions trying to find
The next one they can crucify

And anger plays on every station
Answers only make more questions
I need something to believe in
Breathe in sanctuary in the

Easy silence that you make for me
It’s okay when there’s nothing more to say to me
And the peaceful quiet you create for me
And the way you keep the world at bay for me
The way you keep the world at bay

Children lose their youth too soon
Watching war made us immune
And I’ve got all the world to lose
But I just want to hold on to the

Easy silence that you make for me
It’s okay when there’s nothing more to say to me
And the peaceful quiet you create for me
And the way you keep the world at bay for me

The way you keep the world at bay for me
The way you keep the world at bay

Last weekend, Justin and Andrew were playing on the new swingset. As they got ready to go down the slide together, Andrew accidentally slipped out of Justin’s hands and went down by himself. He was airborne for about 18 inches past the end of the slide and rolled a bit on the landing, but over the next 45 minutes of continuous solo sliding he managed to perfect his technique.

He still needs some supervision, as he can not climb the ladder to get up to the slide on his own, nor does he grasp the concept of stopping and sitting down on the top of the slide. Without someone there to direct him, he will just step off the edge and tumble down (ahem, not that that happened…exactly). But he is figuring it out, and I am sure that by next summer my dream of reading a book on the deck while he plays will be a reality.

I forget sometimes, how fun it is to just sit around and let the conversation flow where it will, enjoying the company of friends old and new, along with the lovely glow of a fire and Jen’s kick-ass lights.

It is hard for Justin and I to agree on what to do with our spare time. Even though we are both introverted, he is much more drained by social events than I am. I think it has something to do with him spending 9 hours a day in the workplace and me spending 9 hours a day with an 18 month old. When he gets done working, he wants to relax and have quiet time with his family. When I get done working (I know, a mother’s work is never finished - but you know what I mean), I want some adult conversation and interaction. Usually I end up going out by myself (which works for me), but occcasionally we compromise, go somewhere, and both end up enjoying ourselves.

I guess that is the great thing about the House of Barbeque, it is low-key enough that Justin is not overwhelmed, but with lively enough conversation to make me feel like a human being again. Downright excellent food and the aforementioned lights don’t hurt either. Thank you Bryan and Jen, your hospitality is not in vain.

Since Jen started it and I am such a follower, here are some things you might not know about me…

A) Four jobs I have had in my life:

1. Mom and wife (yeah, it’a job.  I get paid in sex, tequila, and phat electronics) (shamelessly copied this answer from Jen, no way I could have written anything better).

2. Collections Officer at Eton Technical College (honestly, can you imagine a worse job? Me neither.)

3. Paralegal for the Hanford Nuclear Reservation Litigation (the job would have been awesome if my boss hadn’t been so fond of the phrase “get your fucking head out of your fucking ass”).

4. First grade teacher (suffice it to say, not the job for me).

B) Four movies I watch over and over:

1. Bend It Like Beckham

2. Lord of the Rings (really, you need a link? Do you live under a rock?)

3. Love Actually

4. Persuasion

C) Four Places I Have Lived:

1. Federal Way, WA

2. Kent, WA

3. Bellingham, WA

4. Federal Way, WA (So. Very. Boring.)

D) Four TV shows I love to watch:

1. Scrubs (NBC)

2. What Not to Wear (TLC)

3. Sportscenter (ESPN) (or pretty much any baseball, basketball, football, soccer or hockey game I can find)

4. The Sopranos (but I don’t have HBO, so I am a season behind - thus, no link because I don’t want to risk seeing the spoiler)

E) Four places I have been on vacation:

1. Cannon Beach, OR (my favorite place)

2. New York, NY (love to visit, wouldn’t want to live there)

3. Montana (went when I was a kid, still makes the top four)

4. British Columbia, Canada (the only place besides Washington that I could actually see myself living)

F) Websites you visit daily or often:

1. Flickr! blog

2. The King County Library System

3. Martha Stewart (she may actually be the Anti-Christ, but damn, she is one clever chick)

4. Bloglines (consolidate your time wasting in to one convenient website)

G) Four of my favorite foods:

1. Burritos (especially from Gorditos)

2. Pizza (especially from Delfinos)

3. Drinks with umbrellas in them, or the entirely unrelated peppermint slurpee (yes they exist)

4. Candy

H) Four places I would rather be right now:

1. The ocean

2. The mountains

3. With my friends

4. By myself

I) Favorite songs/music:

1. U2 (again with the question about you living under a rock)

2. Dido

3. Waterdeep

4. Andrew Peterson

5. Carbon Leaf

6. Toad the Wet Sprocket

7. Patty Griffin

…..  What?  I’m only supposed to list four?  That’s crazy talk!

J) Favorite Colors:

1. Dark Red (but not burgundy)

2. Dark Grey or Black

3. Brown (of any variety)

4. Purple

K) Favorite Author:

1. Sharon Kay Penman

2. J.K. Rowling (I will not even dignify this with a question about your residence)

3. J.R.R. Tolkien

4. L.M. Montgomery

L) Four moments I will never forget:

1. Driving down I-5 outside of Centralia with my best guy friend, the conversation stops and I realized that this boy who was my friend would make a better husband than the boy I had pinned my hopes on for years. 

2. Being present for my friend’s labor with her first child.

3. The look on Justin’s face and the tone of his voice when he said, “it’s a boy”.

4. The day I admitted that I didn’t have it all figured out.

…and Jen’s interpretive dance…

Do you want to play? Write your answers in the comments section or post them on your own blog and put the link in my comments.  It’s so fun, just like chain letters in elementary school.