I have had a rough couple of weeks. I got my hands on some candy and found that my willpower was not as strong as I hoped it would be. I tried to cut some corners and found that I do not exist outside the laws of cause and effect. I am confronted, in many different situations, with my unwillingness to trust those who have my best interests at heart, my deep seeded rebellion and an almost unreasonable desire to do things my own way.

I despise authority, whether it be a piece of paper that tells me what to eat or a decision that is made for the greater good.

These are unfortunate realizations, but, although I wish things were different, it is good to have an accurate picture of where I stand.

I so want to sit down and write about a success in the food department. But I am not there yet. I have had more successful days than not, but I have yet to have a week where I meet my nutritional goals every day.

I want to write about overcoming the blues and kicking some Seattle-cold-wet-rainy-depression-inducing ass. But I am not doing that. Lately I feel like my grip on clear, balanced thinking is tenuous at best.

I want to write about how much I love going to the gym. But I am tired. And 4:30 is just plain early. And I’m not about to give up, but it is white-knuckled determination that keeps me going, not endorphin-fueled excitement.

There are so many things that I wish I could write about, but I can’t. So I am doing what all creative people do when they have a block, I am engaging in trivial tasks to keep one side of my brain operating while the other side sorts through the muddle and tries to make sense of it all. I am scouring cookbooks, creating my Shelfari page, making new playlists on itunes, reading, decorating and cleaning.

For those of you who worry when I am not writing much - don’t. It’s okay. I am okay. I just need to pull back and find that elusive reset button.